School is either back or about to go back this week. There are extremely mixed feelings as this covid wave continues, especially from the covid safe community. The hardest part of staying covid safe is having school aged kids and the lack of safety measures in schools. Even when precautions are in place, the pIanning is rarely thought through. In my state, for example, every classroom and even 'high-risk spaces'* are supposed to have a HEPA filter. Are they turned on? Do teachers know how they work? Who is responsible for checking the air quality? Parents, staff and especially children deserve to know what they are risking by committing to their education. Much of this piece is for carers of children under 14. If you have older teens, there's a section at the end for you. Every young person, every family, every human counts.
Talking about covid precautions:
How do you talk to your child under 14 about masking? A lot of it is about building their sense of agency and confidence. That involves listening. REALLY listening. Don't make suggestions, don't try to fix things, simply take in what your child is saying and reflect it back. For example, if they say, "I'm really scared I won't make any friends or my friends will laugh at me" you could say, "That sounds really hard, your friends sound like an important part of your life." Notice we didn't judge the child or their friends, nor did we impose our view. It's a statement the child can then expand upon and hopefully they will continue to talk about their feelings with you.
Education and modelling:
If you want your child to understand the science of the covid pandemic and invest in staying as healthy as possible, you have to model that behviour. Make sure you explain how masks and clean air work. You can give the example of how we used to smoke inside and drive while drunk (if these concepts are age appropriate). Kids are often amazed this was once the norm. Explain how people worked together and how at first, it wasn't popular but it is right and good for everyone's health. Don't be stressed about these conversations, try to ensure all chats about covid are as relaxed and respectful as you can make them. Try not to enter into these conversations from a place of frustration or stress. If you have had a bad day, take a moment or an hour to gather yourself before you talk to your child. Do something fun afterwards, watch their favourite TV show, help them with a project, play a video game. Keep conversations about taking care of yourselves in the pandemic associated with quality family time.
A letter from their future self:
Children have dreams. Adults have dreams. It takes a lot to clamp down on every spark of hope in a human being. A really good exercise to keep hope and dreams at the forefront of your child's mind is to ask them what their future self is like. Ask them how old they can imagine themselves being. Adults usually pick a first memory from around age 6-7 and kids will often gravitate towards an older teenager. So, maybe your 11 year old has decided to picture themselves at 16. Excellent! Now, we want the 16 year old in their mind to write an actual letter to the child right now. Here are some prompts:
What did you do between the ages of 11 to 16? What happened?
What are you doing right now, at 16?
What is 16 year old you excited about?
What is 16 year old you grateful for?
What did 11 year old you do to make 16 year old you the person they are?
What advice would 16 year old you give to 11 year old you?
This all helps to clarify what the child wants from life and what they need to do in order to achieve these things. If they are invested in a particular job or sport or hobby, maybe they realise that staying safe from covid will help them get there. Maybe it's too soon for them to make that choice but they are gaining confidence in making healthy decisions. This is both an educational and emotional activity. As a parent or guardian, you can also partake by writing your own letter from a younger you or an older you thanking youself for staying safe and explaining how you made the decision to wear a mask, clean the air etc. Why are you covid safe when possibly your friends and family have returened to so called 'normal' life? Try and show the steps you took internally to get to that place. It will help your child to do likewise.
If you have an older teenager:
It is absolutely fine to set boundaries for your own health. If they don't mask, they need to know the house rules regarding quarantine, masking in shared spaces and filters in all places. They need to know it's not personal, it's a pandemic. It's not personal, we've been abandoned and this is about survival. You still love them, it's about keeping you ALL safe. Your teenager may be starting to make the links between getting ill and reduced capacity for social activities, sport, music, school work etc. Without getting too excited, try to encourage this critical thinking and you can even build on it by introducing media literacy. Again, modelling this yourself is a good way. Don't leave a stack of scientific journals on their bed (unless asked to) but do read them yourself and if your teenager asks a question, explain clearly and make sure you say why you're so interested in the material. Media literacy is very hard to maintain due to the volume of sources in 2024. It's not just a few TV channels and half a dozen newspapers. Do your collective best and trust that is good enough.
Good luck to all children, adolescents, parents, carers, guardians, grandparents, teachers and school staff in 2024. May this be the year the tide turns.